sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
