I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
