Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
