How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
