yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
