Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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