Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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