I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
