ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
