i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize