Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
