Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
