When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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