My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is Oprah even human
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
