GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
