i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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