I will die if light touches me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
