What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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