btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
