I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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