You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
