Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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