Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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