I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
