My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the liver wants what the liver wants
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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