hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize