My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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