There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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