her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
