Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
