So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
