everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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