If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
