youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
