I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize