Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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