the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
