You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
