is wine microwaveable?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
