After last night, I could never be a politician.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
