A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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