i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
