Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
