I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
