My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
