If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize