ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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