My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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