Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
