So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
