Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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