I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
