worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
