So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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