im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
