There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
