I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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