Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
