Do you still have your period?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
