oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
