she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
