Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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