She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
