Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
