Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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