I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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