I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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