roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize