Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
