: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
